A sad commentary

Below is a recent letter to Budweiser. I don't think I'm alone in this line of thought. What upsets me is that this poor girl in consumer care is obliged to be polite. It's like a tame version of when the enemy in a bad science fiction movie declares that a humans capacity for love is their weakness. In the real world though the evil alien overlord is right. The plucky hero armed only with love is fucked. Rambling intro aside, here's the letter

Dear Sir/Madam,

Before I get to the meat of the issue may I first criticise you on the difficulty of finding a contact email address that the Irish consumer may use. I realise that I could go straight to the source on this question but I'm of a provincial nature and find it more concerting to talk to the Irish division. That and I am led to believe that many beverages have regional variations depending on the plant producing them, so it seems that any query would best be addressed to the regional office. In this regard, I was unable to find a contact email address anywhere on www.diageo.ie.

The origin of my query is simple. I do not like the taste of your beer. More to the point I find it lacks taste or body.

I have read all about the beechwood aging, the large proportion of rice in addition to hops and barley malt and how it is filtered. I have heard all about its smooth taste. I've seen and been impressed by the horses. Horses are strong, powerful and bespeak tradition and old world high standards. I've seen the beers placed in movies and in these movies these beers were consumed by stars that I would wish to emulate. I've seen all this and because of all this I time and again come back to your beer. Just to make sure it hasn't gotten any better, because even if it gets a little better I would definitely start drinking it. In public anyway.

With the arrival of Bud Light and the "the difference is drinkability" slogan, I was hopeful. Bud Light even sponsored a few UFC's and what more manly thing is there than fighting in no holds barred combat. Even when Brock Lesnar said he didn't like Bud Light I was more impressed, because I don't like Brock Lesnar. So I was tempted by Bud Light, after all you were claiming it was drinkable. Modest a claim as that is, it failed to live up to it. Instead this just tastes like watered down Budweiser.

I haven't travelled much in my life so I can't be sure that it's not just the Irish take on Budweiser that is wrong, but surely someone else would have noticed?

My question then is this, are there any plans to make Budweiser taste any better? If you need my assistance in taste testing any improvements I would be glad to assist, please do not hesitate to contact me. I want to help you make the beer I know you can make.

Kind Regards,
Conan
Champion of the People

The response

Dear Mr. Conan,

Thank you for your recent email in regards to Budweiser.

I am very sorry to hear that you do not enjoy the taste of Budweiser or Bud Light. It is our aim to please all consumers, so I will pass all of your feedback on to our Budweiser Brand team.

I would very much like to thank you for sending us in your comments as all consumer feedback is extremely important to us.

Kind regards,

Grondar
DIAGEO Consumer Careline