I sometimes think I'm striving for consistency. It'd be the nice thing that people would say about me when it eventually happens - If nothing else, he was consistent. When I get up in my head like that is when I decide not to get a Facebook account.
I appreciate that from an entertainment perspective it probably kills a few hours and my life is sufficiently empty to see that as an appealing point. I just don't like that it is the cowards' way of ignoring people. You don't have to give a fuck about someone on Facebook. You just see their status updates and commit the nugget of information to the back of your mind in the off chance that you meet them on public transport and can't get away. Suddenly you bust out whatever you last read and you have a ready made conversation. An empty uncomfortable conversation where you both ignore the fact that you're not friends anymore. You either regret it because this situation is of your own making, through your laziness or because you never really had anything in common and this is a cringing reminder. I've let people down and I don't need Facebook to try to convince me I haven't.
So, it's not commitment to a friendship or anything of the sort. It's commitment to social niceties that are not in line with my true feelings. Like an office Christmas party. All year long I haven't gone out with the people I work with because that group is comprised of two smaller but distinct groups - people I genuinely like and enjoy talking to and wankers. The regular work night out has both present and so too will the Christmas party. So since I haven't gone out all year long, it stands to reason that I dread this. Deep down, in the pit of my stomach. All I can rely on is that there will be some kind of argument and division that will at least amuse me in the coming weeks, because one of the less nice things people will say about me is that I am a gossipy bitch.
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