Pointless but fun

	I have in my time experienced some poor service, if you read my blogging history you'll see examples of me screaming into the deaf night about it. One example though that never gets the attention it so richly deserves is Santa Claus. Before we even start, I know you'll throw the whole "he's a kindly old man, who does it for free" argument at me. Don't waste my time. The Coca Cola corporation along with everyone who decorates a house pays for the use of this mans copyrighted image. There are more figures of Santa than Jesus. He's more popular than the Easter Bunny and to be honest he is just a face for the hardworking elves. The politics of the Elf Union aside, the Santa Claus conglomerate have piss poor after sales service. I have in my time woken up on Christmas morning to be sadly disappointed with only a jumper from my grandparents left to come - that doesn't cheer you up. I know the sting of a confused order. While the pre-sale service is downright exemplary. I tried to order Weightlifting shoes online and since they are coming from America they can't verify my address - so it takes more effort. Santa commits to finding you, no matter how incomplete your address. I order stuff from the internet all the time and despite my attempts to mark it as "gift" the people at customs still tax me. Santa on the other hand has an arrangement - he smuggles more stuff across borders than anyone else in history. I mean the man is good. You can post in your order, you can mail it in, hell you can go meet a duly appointed deputy in any shopping centre across the land. With so many orders, I don't doubt that sometimes accidents happen. I order something good and one of the elfs mixes up the order with some child that ordered a piece of shit - it happens. I've worked in a factory stores, you try your best but mix ups happen. On a grand scale it's bound to be a huge problem. So here is where the complaint starts. The day after Christmas (we'll give them Christmas day off) I go along to a shopping centre, I notice that the grotto is closed. What the fuck? What if I have received the incorrect gift and wish to report the matter to Santa. The answer I get is to Fuck off. A reasonable period, maybe 30 days, to report any mix ups or errors or indeed to return gifts that just aren't as cool as they looked on TV. You know the sort, the board game that has the happy family playing it, but once you take it out of the box it's hard to put together and your still stuck with your family.... I just want to maybe exchange this for something good. Santa on the other hand is on holiday until just after Halloween next year and your complaints can wait. Next year rolls around and instead of writing in, cos that's where it went wrong last year you go to the grotto that's open now that he wants your business again - you talk to the vice-santa in charge and explain that last year he fucked up. You explain that this year it better not happen again or Joe Duffy will be getting an angry phonecall, the Sunday World will be told how Santa's helper dropped the hand and that as you slept and Santa left the presents on the bed he molested you. You warn him, you make it clear that poor service will not be tolerated. That you are a consumer and you have rights. He sits there dumb. Maybe this time he'll get it right. This year he doesn't even bother, apparently he's claiming you were naughty. Fuck him. This small print shit is sickening. I've seen other businesses do it but I thought he'd be different. Next year I'll be taking my business to a completely different semi-pagan icon for the mid winter gift giving celebration. Reporting this to the Ombudsman