Weddings always fill me with a certain joy and wonder. Also an unparalleled terror. Not the terror of commitment, the interminable nature of it all, I can handle that. I think I could do prison time. Of all things I love routine and predictability the most. Marriage is a lot like prison but the nicest parts of prison, not the random assaults and misuse of drugs unless your knee has bent in front of the wrong person.
What scares me about marriage is the idea that I might have to give my family the opportunity make speeches in a very public forum. A forum which I will have paid no small amount of money to organise and bring literally everybody whose opinion matters to me. I'm talking cold sweat terror at that idea.
The notion that I might also become emotional and possibly shed a tear in front of all these people does nothing for my commitment to the institution of marriage. I can't help but feel that it would come crashing down on me, at my lowest, that I am the architect of these misfortunes. All of this overshadowing what I'm led to believe should be a happy day.
All of this is very different to the short sharp, soon to be over and forgotten nature of a prison assault. This is more like a prison rape. With long lasting mental consequences. The side of prison I most likely wouldn't like, actually definitely wouldn't like. For the record I definitely would not like to get raped in prison but I definitely wouldn't like to let my family make speeches.
By contrast, living in sin seems much easier.
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