Vinny the Racist

Vinny is a racist. Not a nice racist like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino or Ed Norton (eventually) in American History X, Vinny is a despicable old man who is a racist.

I first met Vinny the Racist one day in work. I was strolling around and being bored I said hi and thought to exchange pleasantries, the way one does. Vinny the Racist instantly seized on the opportunity to explain to me the problems with and caused by the Blacks. At length.

I was a little flustered. I went in prepared for mild introductory pleasantries and got this. Not that I have a weak constitution for such things. When someone is screaming this drunk on a street corner I'm prepared but by contrast it's brought up in our first polite conversation.... I worry. I worry that like two people who fall in love at first sight he has seen the totality of my existence in that one glance and thought to himself that here is a kindred spirit. Another man filled with hate. Race Hate, cos Vinny the Racist is a racist.

Vinny is a short old man, still working so I assume under 65. He's a little fat which is staving off the wrinkles somewhat. He has brilliant white hair (white as a newly flowing Klan robe) which only serves to highlight how red his face gets when he talks about foreigners and how they are like a cancerous blight on Ireland. I believe he suggested putting them on a boat with a small hole in it. So that it would sink slowly. Presumably to allow them to fully realise what absolute bastards they are for being foreign. Bright, bright red (red as the robe of the Red Hooded Klansman - Kleagle?). I worry sometimes that Vinny the Racist will have a stroke if he gets too worked up over all of those foreign bastards robbing from the state. Keeping you and me out of a job (despite talking to me while we were both in work).

Vinny the Racist works in a job (not the same as my job) that requires him to talk to tourists, Vinny the Racist hates tourists, because they are foreign and too stupid to speak English. So he ignores them or gives them false directions. Presumably in the hopes that they will become lost and get set upon and die slowly knowing that he, Vinny the Racist, was responsible.

I cheered up considerably when I heard that Vinny the Racist was just as horribly racist around everyone else. So far from seeing in me a fire that mirrored his own, he's just a delusional racist. He 's old and those of us who have been well brought up don't hassle the elderly. Vinny the Racist through this loophole of manners has arrived at the point where he thinks the world shares his racist beliefs. That we are on the crest of a wave, about to break across his sacred and racially pure island home and wash it clean. Vinny the Racist is deluded.

I got speaking to Vinny the Racist's colleagues today. I don't know if any of them agree with Vinny the Racist (I doubt it), but at the very least they had the social common sense to decry Vinny the Racist. They told me all the tales. Like the day Vinny the Racist couldn't have tea because the two coffee shops he could go to in work both had a foreign girl on the till. He hates foreigners enough to give up tea.

One of his colleagues (a man of advancing years) is married to a young Asian woman (I asked no questions and heard no lies), they have two young children. These children are the apple of this man's eye. Vinny the Racist to his face, in conversation, with witnesses, referred to the children as “halfbreeds”. I'm not sure of the exact hierarchy of racist slurs but I suppose it ranks above abomination and below half caste? Maybe Vinny the Racist can explain.

There were explanations put forth as to why Vinny the Racist is a racist. One was that he was banned from a pub he once frequented after he offered one of the Polish barmaids money in return for sexual favours, but this was countered with the argument that Vinny the Racist has always been a racist. This seemed to be an isolated incident where he attempted to connect with someone, a thing he fails to do because HE IS A HUGE FUCKING RACIST.

Then, while not connected directly to his racism, there was the story of him being spotted being forcefully ejected from a lapdancing club on Dublin's Capel st. Vinny the Racist is obviously a racist who can't keep his hands to himself.

The plan is for one of the new guys to approach Vinny the Racist. The new guy will pretend not to know that Vinny the Racist is a racist. He will explain the following:
- that he is seeing a woman of colour;
- that she has several children already and yet another of his on the way;
- that she is not working because the dole, the children's allowance and all the other benefits the taxpayer covers is keeping her in fine style;
- that he will not move in with her, because if he does she will lose her free flat provided by the taxpayer;
- that the free flat is just up the road from Vinny the Racist.

The hope is that Vinny the Racist's big red angry face will finally explode.

It should be noted that Vinny the Racist's name has not been changed to protect his identity.