Ever hear that old joke? Waiter is called to a hotel room to deliver yet another bottle of champagne. He walks in and surveys the scene. Sprawled on the bed along with several beautiful naked women is George Best. The waiter ponders for a second and asks, "George, where did it all go wrong?". In the extended version of that story I imagine a drunk and enraged George Best struck the waiter violently and returned to the orgy.
That was then and this is now. George Best's career fluttered and died and so did he. Conversely Charlie Sheen achieved early on the dizzying heights that most can only dream of and is now reaping the rewards. He's been in era defining movies and in terms of awards is only shy the Oscar which truth be told he'd probably have to speak in an impeded English accent to get. He's one of the highest paid TV actors around. The dude has done it all.
People condemning his behaviour, his drugs, his parties, his porn stars, etc are all just jealous. Let the man reap his rewards.
Capri Anderson
Bree Olson
Bombshell McGee
Ginger Lynn
Heather Hunter
This is not an exhaustive list of women in the porn industry who have been romantically (traditional notions of romance are here challenged) linked to Charlie Sheen, to say nothing of the many, many hangers on and less famous but equally eager friends. If the Internet is to be believed then some of these women came in pairs or even trios.
There are many things that would heighten my enjoyment of a sexual situation, better technique, improved flexibility, a clearer understanding of what's going on but above all of this would have to rank better looking partners who bring their friends. I'd like that.
As for the drugs, I bet Charlie gets that special coke that's smuggled in boxes and not up some guy's ass. Movie star grade cocaine. He's got an clinic of doctors and a team of problem solvers to pick up the pieces after him. He is the poster boy of people who should be allowed do drugs.
One of the wealthy who could fit in so easily if only he conformed. He's a man with a purpose standing against an oppressive regime, defying convention and sleeping with some ladies along the way. I don't want to say that he's this generation's Oskar Schindler but he's damn close.
He's a flawed hero but a hero I can get behind. A man unafraid to sacrifice himself on the altar of celebrity and to live and publicise the life I can only dream of. God bless you Charlie Sheen.
Showing posts with label film. Show all posts
Showing posts with label film. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
An annual tradition
This year had the usual challenges, family, cabin fever etc mixed in with me being just a little sick and thus more irritable. New challenges made themselves known, fewer movies that I recognised were on tv. The last shreds of Christmas spirit are intrinsically tied to seeing the Back to the Future trilogy but it wasn't on. Indiana Jones was but the only thing that Indiana Jones can't save is my Christmas cheer. The kids are taking over with their pixar animated things. My nostalgia is being upgraded for theirs.
I got no presents this year. Not a bad thing, I dread getting stuck in one of those adult relationships where exchanging presents of approximately the same value is how you express your affection. The thing is that when selecting a gift I'm held to a budget and I don't know as much about this stuff as the person I'm buying for. How then could I be expected to pick up the right gift? I'll go for the cheaper one in the shinier box. I'll give you that and now that you have one of these that isn't good enough you're denied the pleasure of buying yourself the right one. I've ruined this gift and your chance of getting yourself something decent. It's supposed to be the thought that counts but in most cases that thought is "this'll do right? and it's cheaper than that other one". My brother got gifts from his girlfriend's parents and his little face sank. Poor bastard never saw it coming.
New Year's is just around the corner now. I've come to hate New Year's. I've touched on why I hate going out. The forced joviality, the way each night is a little like Groundhog Day. New Year's is the worst of these. It even has its own timetable built in. Everybody is expected to be out and celebrating. The pressure is really something. Then the night falls and worse than any other night out places are packed, people are drunker, taxis are harder to get, and someone gets glassed because the pressure has to escape somehow.
I'll be working. Cleaning up this fucking mess, invariably with people wanting me to smile in photos. "go on smile for the photo" translates as "pretend you're happy". Then when I gently try to slip away and not get into the hand shaking and pleasantry exchanging at midnight I'm the kill joy. I ruined the fantasy that this night was different and special and that this coming year will be better. I'll care about less of the Christmas films next year
I got no presents this year. Not a bad thing, I dread getting stuck in one of those adult relationships where exchanging presents of approximately the same value is how you express your affection. The thing is that when selecting a gift I'm held to a budget and I don't know as much about this stuff as the person I'm buying for. How then could I be expected to pick up the right gift? I'll go for the cheaper one in the shinier box. I'll give you that and now that you have one of these that isn't good enough you're denied the pleasure of buying yourself the right one. I've ruined this gift and your chance of getting yourself something decent. It's supposed to be the thought that counts but in most cases that thought is "this'll do right? and it's cheaper than that other one". My brother got gifts from his girlfriend's parents and his little face sank. Poor bastard never saw it coming.
New Year's is just around the corner now. I've come to hate New Year's. I've touched on why I hate going out. The forced joviality, the way each night is a little like Groundhog Day. New Year's is the worst of these. It even has its own timetable built in. Everybody is expected to be out and celebrating. The pressure is really something. Then the night falls and worse than any other night out places are packed, people are drunker, taxis are harder to get, and someone gets glassed because the pressure has to escape somehow.
I'll be working. Cleaning up this fucking mess, invariably with people wanting me to smile in photos. "go on smile for the photo" translates as "pretend you're happy". Then when I gently try to slip away and not get into the hand shaking and pleasantry exchanging at midnight I'm the kill joy. I ruined the fantasy that this night was different and special and that this coming year will be better. I'll care about less of the Christmas films next year
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Double standards
So lately I've been thinking alot about relationships, what they mean, how they are defined and all the big questions.
When stuff like this starts piling up inside the only thing you can do is think "what would Swayze do?".
In Dirty Dancing Swayze begins a relationship with Jennifer Grey. Swayze is serious as is Grey. Swayze is a little older and Grey's father, Jerry Orbach is against it.
Does Swayze sit him down and reason it out? Does he explain the depth of his feelings? Point out that he Swayze was born on 18/08/52 and Grey was born on 26/03/60 and compare that to Orbach who born on 20/10/35 and his wife Kelly Bishop 28/02/44. Does he point out the similar age difference?
No. He just fucking dances. When reason and even violence fail us, just fucking dance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJO_zQTDhb8
Maybe that's what Lady Gaga was talking about.
When stuff like this starts piling up inside the only thing you can do is think "what would Swayze do?".
In Dirty Dancing Swayze begins a relationship with Jennifer Grey. Swayze is serious as is Grey. Swayze is a little older and Grey's father, Jerry Orbach is against it.
Does Swayze sit him down and reason it out? Does he explain the depth of his feelings? Point out that he Swayze was born on 18/08/52 and Grey was born on 26/03/60 and compare that to Orbach who born on 20/10/35 and his wife Kelly Bishop 28/02/44. Does he point out the similar age difference?
No. He just fucking dances. When reason and even violence fail us, just fucking dance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJO_zQTDhb8
Maybe that's what Lady Gaga was talking about.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
We're all disposable
I love the book and film of The Princess Bride and I enjoy the soundtrack too. It's filled with pithy observations and messages. The two that spring instantly to my mind are "true love never dies" and "Life is pain, Highness". There's also a discussion about fairness in the film as Grandfather Columbo explains to Grandchild Kevin from the Wonder Years that life is not fair. A conversation that more grandfathers should have with grandchildren. It's cruel to let them figure that out on their own.
Back on track, I lost my book or gave it to someone and they haven't given it back. So I bought another copy. I got this second hand on Amazon. They have various companies that have old library books or second hand bookshops etc. Good value.
When I got the book I looked at the inside cover and read the handwriting:
There is no explanation of how this book came to me that isn't filled with sadness and ultimately reminds me that we are all disposable and replaceable.
Back on track, I lost my book or gave it to someone and they haven't given it back. So I bought another copy. I got this second hand on Amazon. They have various companies that have old library books or second hand bookshops etc. Good value.
When I got the book I looked at the inside cover and read the handwriting:
Hmmm - a fairystory?
Not the most obvious choice... but
it's funny and wonderful, and
you won't be able to put it down.
Enjoy!
Happy 26th. With Love,
Jen xx
There is no explanation of how this book came to me that isn't filled with sadness and ultimately reminds me that we are all disposable and replaceable.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Let them know men did this
I like to get to the cinema when a film comes out first, it stops me having too many preconceived notions (apart from what I've gleaned from the trailers, but that's sort of different). I don't want to go in and have heard that a film is crap when the reviewer just missed the point or has no appreciation of pointless action. With mindset, I went to see Clash of the Titans. If like me you prefer to go in clearheaded don't read on.
Clash of the Titans is pretty shit. I wasn't expecting much by way of plot or anything. It's a remake of what at the time was a special effects masterpiece. So I just wanted cool 3D explosions and a believable Medusa. I was upset.
The special effects were poor in comparison to other movies pushing that envelope. Whenever the Pegasus wasn't flying it looked like they had made some wings from black bin bags and stuck them on a bewildered horse. The Cracken looked like they had made it in a rush out of black plasticine, which seems like the whole point of this endeavour was to avoid that comparison.
Sam Worthington irritates me.
Liam Neeson seems to have taken the death of his wife pretty hard and is just making any film that you hand him a script for. I'd like to stand by him in this hard time but Zeus looked like he was supporting Gary Glitter back in the glory days of shiny suited rock. He couldn't even walk in his suit of armour, an entirely unnecessary suit of armour given that he was sitting in Olympus and a suit of armour he left at home every time he visited Earth. The character Zeus is an asshole too. One of his previous enemies, Zeus pretty much just date raped his wife. Harsh even by today's standards. I understand that Greek gods were flawed and from a theological perspective this avoided the question "if god is so powerful, why does he let so much suffering happen?". If a Greek asked this question the short answer is - 'cos he's a petty, vindictive, tool lording it over us. Not comforting but easier to accept as a doctrine. Choose your poison I suppose.
Ralph Fiennes plays Hades. He looks like a paedophile. That's why the people hate and fear him. They think he'll touch their children.
Gemma Arterton plays Io. I missed this for most of the movie but she's the love interest. It's just sort of tacked on at the end. She sort of dies, but Zeus being the fickle bastard that he is magics her back to life. So happy ending. In the absence of well executed special effects the director opts to change her hair around a little in each shot and get her to wear a pointless fluffy cape.
Mads Mikkelson. I'm sure someone will say he's a great actor not concerned with the star game and that following on from Casino Royale he threw himself back into his great passion - musical theatre or some shit like that. I don't care. He's tall thin and not believable as a warrior type. Aside from that he did point out that since Perseus wasn't using his magical gifts from the clearly bi-polar Zeus all his men were dying. Perseus ignored this, citing the honour of mankind, until he nearly died and then forgot his honour. Yay, magic sword. So for this one observation and Mads' cheeky smile he's my favourite thing about this movie.
IMDB tells me there were a lot of other named characters but this was a bad movie that jumped between a couple of stories and managed to alienate all of the stories from me so I can't remember.
I assume that if a girl will
1. agree to go see this with you and
2. agree to go out with you again.... that's a good sign.
Clash of the Titans is pretty shit. I wasn't expecting much by way of plot or anything. It's a remake of what at the time was a special effects masterpiece. So I just wanted cool 3D explosions and a believable Medusa. I was upset.
The special effects were poor in comparison to other movies pushing that envelope. Whenever the Pegasus wasn't flying it looked like they had made some wings from black bin bags and stuck them on a bewildered horse. The Cracken looked like they had made it in a rush out of black plasticine, which seems like the whole point of this endeavour was to avoid that comparison.
Sam Worthington irritates me.
Liam Neeson seems to have taken the death of his wife pretty hard and is just making any film that you hand him a script for. I'd like to stand by him in this hard time but Zeus looked like he was supporting Gary Glitter back in the glory days of shiny suited rock. He couldn't even walk in his suit of armour, an entirely unnecessary suit of armour given that he was sitting in Olympus and a suit of armour he left at home every time he visited Earth. The character Zeus is an asshole too. One of his previous enemies, Zeus pretty much just date raped his wife. Harsh even by today's standards. I understand that Greek gods were flawed and from a theological perspective this avoided the question "if god is so powerful, why does he let so much suffering happen?". If a Greek asked this question the short answer is - 'cos he's a petty, vindictive, tool lording it over us. Not comforting but easier to accept as a doctrine. Choose your poison I suppose.
Ralph Fiennes plays Hades. He looks like a paedophile. That's why the people hate and fear him. They think he'll touch their children.
Gemma Arterton plays Io. I missed this for most of the movie but she's the love interest. It's just sort of tacked on at the end. She sort of dies, but Zeus being the fickle bastard that he is magics her back to life. So happy ending. In the absence of well executed special effects the director opts to change her hair around a little in each shot and get her to wear a pointless fluffy cape.
Mads Mikkelson. I'm sure someone will say he's a great actor not concerned with the star game and that following on from Casino Royale he threw himself back into his great passion - musical theatre or some shit like that. I don't care. He's tall thin and not believable as a warrior type. Aside from that he did point out that since Perseus wasn't using his magical gifts from the clearly bi-polar Zeus all his men were dying. Perseus ignored this, citing the honour of mankind, until he nearly died and then forgot his honour. Yay, magic sword. So for this one observation and Mads' cheeky smile he's my favourite thing about this movie.
IMDB tells me there were a lot of other named characters but this was a bad movie that jumped between a couple of stories and managed to alienate all of the stories from me so I can't remember.
I assume that if a girl will
1. agree to go see this with you and
2. agree to go out with you again.... that's a good sign.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Some stories should be told
So, I've mentioned that the idea of the new Karate Kid movie upsets me. In the same breath I also mentioned that I loved the original. Yesterday I watched all three in a row. Then fell asleep contemplating the lessons it had taught me.
A remake is unnecessary, as unnecessary as rewriting the bible. If anything the idea of a new kid facing challenges while dealing with a new romance in his life was adequately rehashed in Never Back Down. A much better idea than the Smith boy and Jackie Chan ruining a film I hold dear.
That seems rigid, like I don't want the studios to have a revenue stream but you're ignoring the other opportunities. This came to me last night as I pondered the words of Miyagi – a prequel.
We're given enough of a hint of Miyagi's life for us to know it was glorious and terrible all at once, from the wife he lost to his medal of valour. The matter of honour that forced him to leave his village, I'd like to see the young Sato. That movie would rock. Teacher seen in the role of student as his father imparts his knowledge of the Miyagi family Karate to him and he learns the life lessons he'll eventually teach a young Daniel. There's a new Miyagi trilogy there already.
If we got Matt Damon on board and wanted to do something on American foreign policy and the horror of war I'd watch a movie about a young Kreese and Silver in Vietnam. It'd have to have an 18's cert though, that story has some very adult themes.
Now everytime Hollywood tries to do a prequel we end up with all the main characters' paths crossing long before they should have met and the original story being damaged by it. I hate coincidental meetings years before that everyone seems to have missed or some shared ancestry bullshit (Fuck Caprica). This seems almost impossible though, if we set it before World War 2 (which Spielberg is going to make sexy again) then neither Kreese or Daniel are born. Short of some idiot writing in Kreese's father as a racist sergeant in the movie we're golden.
So now that I have had this idea, who do I write to? The internet campaign starts here, someone set up a Facebook page or whatever it is you do nowadays instead of being useful.
A remake is unnecessary, as unnecessary as rewriting the bible. If anything the idea of a new kid facing challenges while dealing with a new romance in his life was adequately rehashed in Never Back Down. A much better idea than the Smith boy and Jackie Chan ruining a film I hold dear.
That seems rigid, like I don't want the studios to have a revenue stream but you're ignoring the other opportunities. This came to me last night as I pondered the words of Miyagi – a prequel.
We're given enough of a hint of Miyagi's life for us to know it was glorious and terrible all at once, from the wife he lost to his medal of valour. The matter of honour that forced him to leave his village, I'd like to see the young Sato. That movie would rock. Teacher seen in the role of student as his father imparts his knowledge of the Miyagi family Karate to him and he learns the life lessons he'll eventually teach a young Daniel. There's a new Miyagi trilogy there already.
If we got Matt Damon on board and wanted to do something on American foreign policy and the horror of war I'd watch a movie about a young Kreese and Silver in Vietnam. It'd have to have an 18's cert though, that story has some very adult themes.
Now everytime Hollywood tries to do a prequel we end up with all the main characters' paths crossing long before they should have met and the original story being damaged by it. I hate coincidental meetings years before that everyone seems to have missed or some shared ancestry bullshit (Fuck Caprica). This seems almost impossible though, if we set it before World War 2 (which Spielberg is going to make sexy again) then neither Kreese or Daniel are born. Short of some idiot writing in Kreese's father as a racist sergeant in the movie we're golden.
So now that I have had this idea, who do I write to? The internet campaign starts here, someone set up a Facebook page or whatever it is you do nowadays instead of being useful.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A small death
So, I went to the cinema last night and to my horror saw a trailer for The Karate Kid - a fucking remake. From that first sentence the discerning reader will realise I'm not happy. I'll outline the situation first then explain why.
The Karate Kid is going to be a pretty much direct remake of the 1984 film that we all hold dear. It will star in place of Ralph Macchio - Jaden Smith. It will star in place of Pat Morita - Jackie Chan and in place of Elisabeth Shue - some Asian child. The premise of the story from what I've gleaned from the trailer and some light internet research is that Smith's character is uprooted from his home and moved to China so that his mother can find work. Once there he sees a girl and meets a bully. These things don't mix a fight ensues. Chan shows up and stops the fight. Chan offers to train Smith. Culture clash followed by rousing montage and ultimate victory.
So here's the problem(s) - Fuck Will Smith. I don't appreciate being force fed his dreams for his son. Jaden Smith seems to be only capable of getting work in his daddy's pictures so no surprise that Smith Snr is producing this.
Fuck Harold Zwart, the director who comes to meddle in my childhood with credentials such as Agent Cody Banks and The Pink Panther 2 under his belt. This man is a mercenary, he does not care the shit he churns out and the damage he will do to my memories.
Other well documented issues include - China is the home of Kung Fu not Karate, Japan is the home of Karate. The title is inaccurate and may be only for Western audiences but the rot has already set in. Pat Morita would never have claimed to teach Kung Fu, may he rest in peace. Chan is A-Ok with this.
Jaden Smith will celebrate his 12th birthday on July 8th. Any sort of romantic plot is somehow muted by this. Consequently his bullying peers can only be the same age or slightly older, not that impressive for Chan to break up that fight. I'm pretty sure I could do that. Johnny Lawrence was badass, not a 12 year old. Jaden Smith also seems to bring some hip hop style sass to the role, I don't think I need to explain why that's a bad thing.
Some Asian 12 year old is not as hot as Elisabeth Shue.
Jackie Chan cannot be serious, Pat Morita brought the necessary gravitas to the role. Morita got a best supporting actor Oscar nomination for his role, back when that meant something. Chan is a clown, a lovable clown but still a clown not suitable for an iconic role like this.
All of these issues have been far better documented on far angrier blogs all across the internet, I just thought I'd recap them a little.
I have a far deeper dread. There are things that form a part of your childhood and adolescence. I never cared about Transformers, I was only peripherally aware of it as a child, so when Michael Bay pissed all over it I didn't care. I looked on amused. When knowing irony seeped into all of the remakes from Transformers to the Hulk movie where Lou Ferrigno got a small cameo, to the Star Trek Movie where it might well have been Bourne in space I didn't care I stood by and let it happen. The trailer after the Karate Kid was for the new A-Team movie and I think that might even be a good idea but stay the fuck away from the Karate Kid.
These things never mattered to me. As a 20 something with an angry blog and hobbies including martial arts and lifting weights you can guess what matters to me. I empathised with the original and being made in 1984 it was just hitting its tv movie slot when it mattered to me. These things that mould you should never be left to the evil and inept the Smiths and the Zwarts, what good can come of it?
My understanding of right and wrong is tenuous at best. It is based around the films of my childhood, those things that in an uncommon clarity explained what was expected of great men, men I could only hope to emulate not some sassy hip hop brat.
The Original
or
The new steaming pile of shit
You decide.
The Karate Kid is going to be a pretty much direct remake of the 1984 film that we all hold dear. It will star in place of Ralph Macchio - Jaden Smith. It will star in place of Pat Morita - Jackie Chan and in place of Elisabeth Shue - some Asian child. The premise of the story from what I've gleaned from the trailer and some light internet research is that Smith's character is uprooted from his home and moved to China so that his mother can find work. Once there he sees a girl and meets a bully. These things don't mix a fight ensues. Chan shows up and stops the fight. Chan offers to train Smith. Culture clash followed by rousing montage and ultimate victory.
So here's the problem(s) - Fuck Will Smith. I don't appreciate being force fed his dreams for his son. Jaden Smith seems to be only capable of getting work in his daddy's pictures so no surprise that Smith Snr is producing this.
Fuck Harold Zwart, the director who comes to meddle in my childhood with credentials such as Agent Cody Banks and The Pink Panther 2 under his belt. This man is a mercenary, he does not care the shit he churns out and the damage he will do to my memories.
Other well documented issues include - China is the home of Kung Fu not Karate, Japan is the home of Karate. The title is inaccurate and may be only for Western audiences but the rot has already set in. Pat Morita would never have claimed to teach Kung Fu, may he rest in peace. Chan is A-Ok with this.
Jaden Smith will celebrate his 12th birthday on July 8th. Any sort of romantic plot is somehow muted by this. Consequently his bullying peers can only be the same age or slightly older, not that impressive for Chan to break up that fight. I'm pretty sure I could do that. Johnny Lawrence was badass, not a 12 year old. Jaden Smith also seems to bring some hip hop style sass to the role, I don't think I need to explain why that's a bad thing.
Some Asian 12 year old is not as hot as Elisabeth Shue.
Jackie Chan cannot be serious, Pat Morita brought the necessary gravitas to the role. Morita got a best supporting actor Oscar nomination for his role, back when that meant something. Chan is a clown, a lovable clown but still a clown not suitable for an iconic role like this.
All of these issues have been far better documented on far angrier blogs all across the internet, I just thought I'd recap them a little.
I have a far deeper dread. There are things that form a part of your childhood and adolescence. I never cared about Transformers, I was only peripherally aware of it as a child, so when Michael Bay pissed all over it I didn't care. I looked on amused. When knowing irony seeped into all of the remakes from Transformers to the Hulk movie where Lou Ferrigno got a small cameo, to the Star Trek Movie where it might well have been Bourne in space I didn't care I stood by and let it happen. The trailer after the Karate Kid was for the new A-Team movie and I think that might even be a good idea but stay the fuck away from the Karate Kid.
These things never mattered to me. As a 20 something with an angry blog and hobbies including martial arts and lifting weights you can guess what matters to me. I empathised with the original and being made in 1984 it was just hitting its tv movie slot when it mattered to me. These things that mould you should never be left to the evil and inept the Smiths and the Zwarts, what good can come of it?
My understanding of right and wrong is tenuous at best. It is based around the films of my childhood, those things that in an uncommon clarity explained what was expected of great men, men I could only hope to emulate not some sassy hip hop brat.
The Original
or
The new steaming pile of shit
You decide.
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