Recklessly Small

Words have power and a resonance not easily captured in a dictionary. How often do you see a definition explain that using a certain word over another will make you sound wankery? Words can be used to hide things too. Hidden in plain sight by words that paint you as a victim or martyr while ignoring your complicity in your downfall. If you're one of these people, that let words do your lying for you, then fuck you. This is all prompted by a young man who told me he was set upon and received a kicking from two other young men. That they chased, caught and threw the boots in. This young man described it as an assault. Others have used the word assault and have just been straight up lying cunts. They started a fight, lost and explain the little blue and purple badges of dishonour away as having been assaulted. This young man's lie is more pernicious, it ignores his complicity. It paints a picture of a man who through no fault of his own got beaten up. You see, this man is 10 stone in weight. For the metrically minded that's 63.5kg. His assailants were about the same. And no, I'm not talking about a dwarf. This young man is 5'8" or 1.72m That's 2 inches shorter than me and nigh on 5 stone lighter. His complicity is in being recklessly small. Take a theft as another example. If you are simple minded enough to leave your phone unattended on a table in a busy bar, if it gets taken then it's not so much a theft as a tax on the stupid. If you drink and drive and crash, while people passing on the bus on their way to work may think human tragedy that is not the full story. You are at fault, at least partially, for going out there unprepared knowingly putting yourself in the path of harm without the skills or abilities to deal with the the forseeable future. Fuck you and the work you've caused the emergency services. The small, the frail, the unprepared need to take some responsibility. While crimes shouldn't happen, they do and it is upon us to be prepared. Insurance companies set higher premiums in houses with poor locks and no alarms. They pay less if you weren't wearing a seat belt. If you left your keys in the car and it's gone come morning - you're screwed. If taking some responsibility means putting on some shoulders over a back and holding them up with some legs of note then do it. If it means being sober and keeping an eye on your phone do. I don't want to have to pretend to give a shit about you if you're to blame. Conan The Caring Sort

Never buy a weapon from someone who isn't crazy

Rational thought, reasonable analysis of your actions, the ability to calmly sift through the bullshit and scaremongering and make decisions based on all this seem like they are desirable in every walk of life. I will however point out that if you are seeking to buy a weapon, you want it made by someone who is batshit insane.

The more they believe that the end is coming the finer an instrument of death and destruction they will make. If they genuinely think that their sword will be needed in equal measure to defend your home from intruders and dragons the surer you can be that the sword will stand up to the mythical sword fighting intruder.

In this vein I give you Lynn C Thompson.

Lynn C Thompson is one such gloriously insane man. He is the founder and president of Cold Steel one of the better knife makers out there. He is passionate about his knives and I salute him but the inescapable truth is that he is mental and as an aside always slightly off balance - observe:


There are a wealth of other even more mentally and physically unbalanced videos on YouTube and I hope you get a chance to browse through them. Far from criticising Mr Thompson, I thank him for his commitment to quality and the fine products I enjoy.

What follows are a series of emails to Cold Steel and the replies I have received. For the record I did not use my email account or my name.

Dear Sir,

I have recently received two of your fine hand and a half polypropolene training swords and several of your throwing knives. I am very impressed with the quality durability of said products. After vigorous training with the polypropolene they are still unmarked and hundreds of throws with the throwing knives they are unharmed. If I could make one complaint, the cold steel RPG thrower has made kindling of my throwing target. Not a bad complaint.

My query regards planned product lines, I am anxious to get a zweihander - and hope that you might consider making a polypropolene training version of this. May I ask what other lines you plan on introducing?

Yours in combat,
Conan

A reply:
Thank you for your suggestion. I have passed this email on to our R&D department.

Our plate is very full for new products coming up, but they do look at all suggestions. If it is an item that will become part of our line, R&D will release that information when it is ready for production.

Again, thanks for your suggestion and your enthusiasm for Cold Steel.


Anthony Russell

Customer Service

And again
Dear ColdSteel,

You may remember that I recently purchased two of your hand and a half training swords. I have enjoyed training with these as much as I beleive possible, bruises and all. The swords have held up remarkably well with any minor scuffs rubbing out easily.

Following this positive experience I have ordered a set of your no doubt fine gladii (all from knifecentre.com - a truly fine stockist of your products). This purchase has raised several questions and suggestions in my mind and I wonder if you might help me with them

1. With a gladius I wonder if you might suggest to your R&D department that they make a polypropylene shield (a scutum) to accompany the gladius. When shield shopping one only comes across display pieces and the type of product suitable only for re-enactments not the serious training that I engage in.

2. As I mentioned before I also purchased several of your throwing knives and an rpg. Though long hours of practice the edges and points have become dulled and I am seeking your advice on blade care and sharpening. When searching on the internet I am met with any number of implements from stones to steels to straps and oils of various viscosity and qualities. I would like to know what ColdSteel recommend for your fine edged products.

Yours in combat,
Conan

Oops
Dear ColdSteel,

Pursuant to my previous email where I asked about the sharpening of your fine edged products I would like to withdraw my question. In my enthusiasm for the pursuit of martial knowledge I overlooked the comprehensive information provided by your FAQ. This has answered all my questions and even some I did not know I had. Once again I am in your debt.

My question about the scutum remains. I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Yours in Combat,
Conan

Finally we see the real Anthony Russell
Thank you for your inquiry and the follow-up email.

As for Cold Steel producing shields, I can tell you that our R&D department has been looking into several different types of shields for mass production. Where they are in their research is unknown. R&D does not usually release information until a project is ready for production.

I will, however, pass this email along to the R&D department for review.


Anthony Russell

Customer Service

It continues,
Dear Cold Steel,

I yesterday received my gladii. They are excellent. This email is taking longer to type than normal as I think I may have broken my sword arm-hand! I will probably get an x-ray tomorow. I in no way hold you responsible for this.

I have attached a picture in which you can see that I have improvised a scutum. Please feel free to pass this on to the R&D department if you think it may hurry their efforts to produce a working version.


Yours in Combat,
Conan